My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
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