my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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