I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
