I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
