I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Randomize
