my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Randomize
