My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize