worst night to have a conscience
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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