He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Randomize
