I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
