I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Randomize
