We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
party gras won. party gras always wins.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
