i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
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