My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Randomize
