there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
