I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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