oh god the rape fog is back!
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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