Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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