I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
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