I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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