Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
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