Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Randomize
