rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
