I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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