lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
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