so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Randomize
