What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
You're a waste of cheezeits
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize