im having a threesome with these popsicles
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
