he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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