We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
