just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
