i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Randomize
