You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
