Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
