Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
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