Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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