ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Randomize
