Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
