I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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