Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Randomize
