if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
