Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
