Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Randomize
