I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
