So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
