Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
