hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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