If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
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