Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Randomize
