the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
