Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
