bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Dick very happy bro
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
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