Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
