I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I stole a fireplace last night.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
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