It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
