they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
As shirtless as possible
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
