I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
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