there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
