end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Hey
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GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
