So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
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