if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
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