it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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