My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
