I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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