I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
