there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
