Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
You left your phone here
Wait...
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
