Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Randomize
