I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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