if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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