you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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