Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Randomize
