i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Randomize
