the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
