So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
