i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
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