Where is the hickey?
I wish life had little blips of pornography
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
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Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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