i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Randomize
