she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
we should paint friendship bongs
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
