well you can't waste a boner
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize