There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
