i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
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