Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize