I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
