Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
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