shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
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