in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
