cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I need to calm my uterus...
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Randomize
