The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
