Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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