I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
