I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
