i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
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