one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Randomize
