I'm drive I can fine osifer
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Randomize
