i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Randomize
